break-ups.

Today I am filled with frozen rocks.  They fill my belly, they push against my sides.  My brain is tight with ice, and every thought must steam through fissures and cracks in the surface.


I feel heavy.  I am filled with the weight of alright, the weight of sad, the weight of just fine.  It sinks into my bones and stays, filtering through every pore and gritting into my eyes, my tongue, my throat.


I want to run and let the wind scrub my insides.  I want to loosen the grit of static sadness clinging to my skin.  I want to split open and shake out the rocks and ice.

facts/small things that I know.

I'm always tempted to throw my phone as hard as I can against a wall.  I did today, giving in for the first time.  I definitely recommend it. 

Anyways.  I wrote a list the other day of (mostly narcissistic) facts.  Want to hear some?

5. maps are excruciatingly beautiful things. 
        a. also blueprints, and huge mirrors with gilded frames.
9. women are divided on the issue of men with topknots.
13. it isn't flattering to wear high-waisted pants that bag out at the thighs and gather at the ankle, but isn't that all you want to do?
15. I firmly believe in karma.  accrue it:
       a. re-hang clothing.
       b. tip well.
       c. hold doors open for strangers.
19. there is nothing so beautiful as a summer morning.
24. nail polish is made with horrific chemicals, but allows for shining prettiness on the end of each finger.
27. there is something strangely beautiful about blood.  I take no issue with cuts or bruises.
28. I would like to be an elephant.  Others might choose birds, or dogs.
32. some men grow red in their beards when their hair is solidly brown.
38. things that have a strange something in common:
     a. porcupines.
     b. spraying water.
     c. dandelions.



what do you know?

three cities/I dream in blue skies.

 Edmonton is, as the airport announcement put it, "bitterly cold."  Put on those overcoats.  I don't think I could ever live in the prairies.  It's too cold and too eerily flat.  On a more positive note, though, it has a sort of cultural warmth.  Something real radiates from Edmonton.  No one moves their for their image.

I'm in the Vancouver airport now, waiting for the last leg of my flight home to Kelowna.  Vancouver is extraordinarily sunny, and the mountains make my heart squeak.  I used to hate Vancouver, the product of too many family trips in drizzly grey weather.  I hardly know it, now, but I find myself proud to be an acquaintance. 

I'm heading home in an hour or so, back to the just-positive temperatures and family of Kelowna.  I think I'll be ready to leave one day, and I keep pretending I am.  I think I might be too rooted in family to really leave, but we'll see.  Kelowna affords me a sunny, idyllic life of running, hard work and good food.  We'll see.

lululemon.

I've been obsessed with lululemon for a while.  Their pants? Divine.  Like butter, but on your legs.  I'm wearing them right now.

I just applied for a position at their head office.  It's essentially my dream job.  Want to hear the first paragraph of the job description?

 "You are a master with words. You have captivating ideas and know how to express them. You inspire the people around you and you’re looking for a challenge. Look no further."

Doesn't that just make your heart beat a little more quickly?  Anyways.  I wrote a cover letter that makes me cry, and now I have my fingers crossed.





Okay.  I don't have the 3-4 years of experience they want, so I'm never going to get it, but it never hurts to apply, right?  Right.

silent shout.

"this is the album to convince your friends you're not normal."

 I'm always obsessed with things.

listen to the knife.

weekends/lifeadvice

1. get real, run hard, and run far.

2. sometimes I just want to smash my face into the rocks.

3. fight repetition.

you might know me from somewhere.

I'm a writer, not a photographer.

I almost never have any good ideas.

I drink a lot of coffee.

I can't hardly breathe, the world is so big sometimes.