I have this thing where I really hate packing?

Instead I just wanna:

1. Make bacon.  Preferably duck bacon 'cuz this duck bacon picture is freaking me out.  By freakin' me out, I mean enchanting me. Duck bacon is totally a thing!

2. Stalk the cute mechanic who fixed my bike the other day.  "OH SILLY ME my bike just broke AGAIN.  Probably you should fix it... WHILE DATING ME."

this is what google considers a "cute scruffy bike mechanic."

Okay I may have already tried this one but as far as I can tell he was only a figment of my imagination cuz he does not exist on facebook.  We all know that people who don't have facebook don't really exist.  So if you're him, stalking me (oh bijoux!) call me!

3. Watch 90210.  I was kind of relieved because I finished season 1 and was thereby released from the scourge of needing to watch 90210 all the time but then I just realized that all four seasons are up on netflix.  Which I steal from some dude who signed in on my computer once.  It is terrifying and exciting all at once!  72 EPISODES OF THIS:

and this:

and that's it.  The whole show is basically a montage of scrunched up faces and product placements, with a very faint semblance of plot attempting to string together the dr. pepper and t-mobile references.  (Seriously, the clunkiest product placement EVER.)

4. Consider sleeping, or something?  NAH.  I have obscure blogs to read!

This is from hyperbole and a half.  You should read everything on that website right now.

oh boy.

So I live in Victoria and I don't know anyone.  So, Friday nights entail a lot of 90210 (soapy as shit, amazing), homemade (jill-made) chili, and a lot of reading of the internet.

Things I learned tonight:

1. The plotlines on 90210 make no sense, especially when you watch like six episodes consecutively 'cause they're on netflix and they all end on such cliffhangers.  Anyways, Naomi totally hooked up with the super-hot psycho.  So, there's that.  Also, all of her acting involves crinkling her brow and making duck lips.

I see what ya did there.

2. I make damn good chili.  Seriously, y'all should hire me.  Also, chili is really easy.  Put some sour cream on that shit and you're good to go.

3. I like only adorable things.  Right now, I don't like anything sad.  Ever.  NO SADNESS and NO PAIN.  And most definitely no blood, ugh.  Give me baby animals 99% of the time and melted cheese the other 1%.

THANKS, STUPID.

4.  Ugh there are really horrible and idiotic people in the world!  People who don't use spaces after commas,like this.  People who write 'funning' instead of funny.  People who BELITTLE OTHERS FOR SPORT.  Never read the comments section, people.  OMG or do read the comments section of ANY fox news story and giggle forever.  Sort of a horrified giggle.

Seriously? It's 2011. (9 likes, wtf?!)

5. Anybody that reads this blog and that also HAS a blog should blog MORE often.  Because I am so sick of facebook I could die.  OH ALSO if someone wants to take me on a date that will be fine.  I'll be ready at eight.

HIWANNADATEME

I promise this is the cutest thing you'll see all day.

Am I right or what?

gather shit.

There are wild blackberries everywhere in Victoria!  And today I went to a forest and picked apples with my brother and roommate.  I am super into gathering wild foods.  POURQUOI!?  I hear you shouting through your computer.  Well, lemme tellya.  No pesticides, no razing of forests for agricultural land, no lame-o enormous supermarkets, no dollars.  Try it today, tout le monde.

spot my broski!

PS. There's a superstition in the UK that you shouldn't pick blackberries after September 29th because the devil pees on them.  Alllll pee all the time after Michaelmas.  So maybe watch out for that.

hola victrola.

Twist.

Elevate.

Floodlights/Shatter/

That moment when you just break the surface of the water, slowed down and repeated a thousand times.

get your vinegar on.

I learned something yesterday, which is unusual because I hate learning.* Hair, even extremely unruly madman hair such as mine, can be washed using apple cider vinegar. What?! My brother's lovely girlfriend, who has almost as much hair as I do, clued me in on this one. I was doubtful. I think if you'd seen my hair yesterday you would have been doubtful too. Greasy as and scraped into a bun on the top of my head, baby hairs coming out my temples like little cloud wings. Kind of like an angel of unhygiency. Which isn't a word. Anyways. All ya gotta do is dump a couple of tablespoons of apple cider vinegar on your head and work it through your hair. I swear, it works. It turned my tangled mess into this insanely curly, silky do. I could actually feel the knots coming out of my hair.

So, TRY IT. It's so cheap and soooo natural mcnature.

And it turns you into Taylor Swift!!!

*JUST KIDDING. I'm actually hiding in your closet waiting to tell you all the facts I learned today.

this picture makes me want to die of happiness

This picture my life, as some would say.