and now back to regularily scheduled programming

Jess and I are both very, very single.  I say this not in the sad cathy type of a way, but in an allergic-to-feelings type of a way.  While we were away, we developed a whole lexicon to refer to the weird sort of itchy ribcage you get sometimes after spending some time discussing politics with a particularly attractive Puerto Rican.  Yes, feelings are a disease frequently contracted and often succumbed to.  I see people everywhere with deeply entrenched cases, the type that bring about months of crying when the fever finally breaks.  It's kind of sad, and especially terrifying when one recognizes the symptoms in oneself.

There are three strains of feelings, each with their own particular set of symptoms and side-effects. 

Strain O, for hOromone induced, is perhaps the easiest to get over.  You probably didn't do much talking with the guy or girl who gave you strain O.  "Gin and tonic, please!"  You know how it is.  Anyways, you find yourself thinking about their lovely broad shoulders three days later and there you have it.  Strain O.  Luckily, treatment for strain O is quite simple: find yourself another set of shoulders.  Holla!

Strain B is for strain Brain.  This is the one that does actually involve talking to the transmitter.  Probably for a few hours, in the corner of the party, ignoring everyone around you, giggling and discussing how you both hate-love that portrait of Stephen Harper.  Strain B is dangerous.  "We just like... talked."  As though talking is some sort of new thing that the two of you just invented.  Watch out!  Strain B is harder to get over, and sometimes takes up to two weeks of your precious time.  Maybe just avoid it altogether, okay?

Strain H for Heart is a tricky one.  It's a weird combination of strains O and B, plus an entirely new thing where you kind of just want to like ick out and gaze at the person who infected you.  "He's just like... I don't even know."  Sometimes there's hand-holding, ew or forehead kisses.  Be safe, ladies and gentlemen.  Strain H can take months to get over, depending on the severity of the infection.  I haven't caught any strain H for a while and I am very happy about this.

Given all of this, I have to admit that I currently have a mild case of strain B.  I'm hoping to get over it rather quickly, but I think I might get re-infected and I'm concerned for myself.  Single-girl happiness involves staying feelings free at all times!  But no, I feel feelings and they're making my insides feel strange.  EW.  Learn a lesson from me, folks, and keep your guard up.  Feelings are not a disease to be trifled with!  In the meantime, party hard and I'll see you at Sasquatch.