a bitch named rob

Writing raps is really fun for me.  Bored on my bike, weeding the garden at work, lying in bed at night.  Any time my mind is quiet, rhymes are a great distraction.  This was all awesome until I decided it would be a really good idea to use garage band to record one.  I had the best time mixing loops and putting in effects and grooving to the lyric-less sound.  Hm, that's where the fun ended.

Look, as hopefully most of you know, I have literally no rap aspirations.  I think it's funny to write rhymes and it keeps me safe when I'm in danger of boredom, but I'm absolutely terrible at the actual delivery.  However, I thought maybe it wouldn't sound too bad?  Maybe?

This is not true.  Firstly, I had to turn the beat off while I recorded so it wouldn't be audible in my vocal track.  That presented a serious challenge for the very unmusical person I am.  I'm supposed to keep to the beat that I can't hear?  Secondly, oh shit I sounded so bad.  Oh my god.  After spending an hour trying to figure out how to use garage band and mix loops, I abandoned my project.

I'm sad.  It was a song about my friend Robyn, a beautiful nurse girl who sassed me for not including a rap on the CD I made her for her birthday.  It was going to be a beautiful belated gift!  Maybe one day someone will teach me how to rap, but in the meantime, here's a link to attempt and the lyrics.

http://soundcloud.com/wintertails/abitchnamedrob

 

Wearin’ scrubs, smokin’ rub

Getting’ dirty in da tub

Rub a dub dub or in the club

Girl’s got bass goin’ sub sub sub sub

What’s up what’s down

This girl knows her way around

It’s impossible bitch ain’t stoppable

Runnin’ the shit out o’ that hospital

Patients fever oh girl leave her

She’s so hot I don’t believe her!

Flaws are none to speak of

Lemme have a peek, love

Cuz bitch gotta body like oh wow

And bitch got curves like get low

Pumpin’ blood out on the job

Meet my friend, a bitch named rob.