activities

1. I still take eggs from the carton at random to annoy a boyfriend I broke up with two years ago and have barely seen since.

2. I step on all the cracks and always have.  In case the world falls apart at the seams, maybe my footsteps will somehow hold it together at the cracks.

3. Coffee tastes better when you put the cream in the cup before you pour the coffee.  Mixing cream in after you pour isn't the same.

4. Money comes and money goes.  It's not even a real thing.  Sometimes all you can do is laugh about your life.

5. I see a practitioner of traditional chinese medicine mostly so that I can refer to 'my herbalist.'  She keeps me in tinctures that come in small glass bottles, I take them morning and night.

at your request

Once we said that everything lands perfectly and I'm asking every god I've ever met for that to be true.

I'm dreaming these days of losing everything I know and selling cable knit sweaters in a well-decorated store for the rest of time.  Read books in the afternoons, scrounge money for yoga, burn candles and time, travel for six months a year.

Meanwhile I'm skidding along a gravel road, dragging and bumping through real problems that I've never really had before.  I'm closing my eyes and forgetting and dreaming of alternate reality that doesn't speak to who I actually might be at all.  

I just want to turn off time and reality for a second and turn off feelings, too.  I never want to grow up.

careful of the vast landscape

There's some sort of certain completeness that we're all not sure we're looking for almost all of the time.  It's a half-way all-the-time type of feeling, rightfully right like slotting your puzzle self into its place.  Click your shoulders back, straighten your spine, smooth your hair, cock your head to the side.  We're ambiguous at best and probably lost if it gets any worse, marching into place and in place.

I guess what I'm saying (I never know what I'm saying) is that there's a sense that everything might make sense.  Somehow we're looking for something to be sure about and meanwhile we're just not sure what that might be.  You might say it's a beautiful wonder and a beautiful wander, too, but I think sometimes I'd prefer illumination to beauty.  Turn on the floodlights, universe.  I can't complain about the wait (it hasn't been long) but I'm getting tired of searching and getting tired of feeling like I should be searching, too.