tell me (let me)

I tell myself a lot of stories, usually just a line or two of my life.

We size our successes against those of others, we forget how enormous they are in the face of someone else's showy and colossal successes. Our problems, though, we measure only against ourselves. Our problems are enormous; we forget how lucky we are to have the problems we do. It's an incredible blessing that the worst thing I have to fear is mediocrity.

I think a lot about this mythological happiness that we're all chasing, some dream state where all things and feelings are warm and your mind is always well-lit and flushed with roses. That dream state is all that keeps us going, but I at least really have to accept that it's okay to just be okay. There's no failure in not having a bliss to follow. It might show up one day or it might not. In the meantime, stasis is a few worries that refuse to heal over and a few small pleasures, tumbling about my every day. 

It's so much more convenient not to believe in love.

I would like to evacuate all the feelings from my body now

and instead of having feelings I will exclusively fall in love with mountains and go on dates with them and I will sit on the hillsides and the sun will be kind of warm on my skin but also not quite warm enough?  And the mountain will be like "I am a mountain, I do not have a jacket to give you" and I will be like "that's okay mountain, I am pretty self sufficient anyways" and then I'll go back to my cabin and wear a big sparkly dress and drink champagne by myself.  It's nice to date a mountain because you don't have to share your champagne.

all photos by miss j. sebeer.

Seattlite

Pigeon toes, wandering by myself on tiles with a million names. I embraced optimistical possible possibilities. I'm speaking mostly to my subconscious, your sleeping self is speaking too. I'm curious, as I certainly was.

Living in these bones is impossibly boring. I looked up a map to living a sparkling lemonade life but my city pushed me here and i'm marking myself return-to-sender. I'm completely fine and well, but no one's just fine and well with a sparkling lemonade of a life.

Ugh, this confusion. Know that you'll find me, mind pulled back into my core and secure to my spine, back where I was, marked fire on the map. Picture, for one second, a satellite moving around the earth. 

worrisome things in my google search history

"i'm alive and I"

"craig"

"how many pages is a 92,000 word book?"

"I just want some goddamn salad rolls"

"outfits for old ladies"

"the girl with the best hair in the entire world, ever"

"khloe kardashian height"

"my roommate loves spring what do i do"