The Strange and the Sweaty
First dates are a fascinating thing. He sweat so much he soaked his shirt and had to put his sweater on. He sopped his napkin and shook with nerves. I did not see him again.
Chillaxin' and Maxin' All Cool
Last night I learned that it is apparently not universal knowledge not to tell the girl you're dating that you think she's carrying a few extra pounds. Luckily, though, you probably shouldn't worry too hard about that extra weight because I bet you five dollars you will never see her again. Also, excuse me?
No, For Real
That's a real thing that happened. To me. Last night.
It Ain't Easy Feeling Feelings
And it is perfectly acceptable to not think about them until you have to. Right?
Chemistry Set
Number six and I are still talking and I am still utterly charmed, a year later.
Pillows Like Lips
I'm obsessed with pillows, of all things. Imagine how they could brighten the our apartment, whose walls are a dreamy and smoky cloud grey. I want all manner of patterns and shapes.
I'm an Excruciating Embarrassment
"Visa? Oh... Um. No, I actually can't pay with my debit. Well, I only have seven dollars, so maybe I don't need this... or this..."
You Just Want Me For My Intellect
When I leave the house sometimes I dress in my invisible outfit and I sneak through the streets like Harry Potter. Try curly hair, glasses, harem pants, and a big sweater. Your life will be free from voyeurs for one precious day.
I'm Straight (But It Might Just Be A Phase)
I wear a pin that says this on my housecoat. We loudly denounce heterosexual scenes in movies in our house: "Just disgusting, I mean do what you want, but don't flaunt it, okay!"
At The Altar of Her Incompetence
My property law professor somehow managed to hand out the same exam for the final that she had posted online with answers a month earlier. Should I feel bad that she might lose her job as this last-straws the formal complaint process already going forward? Probably not, no. She's bright, she'll find something else. It shouldn't be on our shoulders to sacrifice our understanding of property law.
SFF: Supreme Friends Forever
I know all the supreme court justices' names, I pick favourites like a sports team. McLachlin is of course my all time ace, you hear me? And La Forest? That rogue! Ritchie's a distant relative, which means heck we're practically siblings. And you gotta be able to get behind L'Heureux-Dube, the prolific dissenter. What a woman, she does what she wants. When I do what I want it usually involves just involves eggnog.
To Be Lit Up
I think it would benefit all of us to spend more time thinking up album titles for our hypothetical band's second album.
Saying Hello to Strangers Gets Tiresome
I have a pair of pants that have a great deal to say to the world. When I wear them, everyone smiles at them. For some reason when people smile at your pants, they feel the need to smile at you, too.
Insufficient Sweetness
I skip sugar in both my coffee and my personality.
Can We Just Talk About Me For A Second?
As soon as any quote is ripped from its original resting place, it becomes awful and trite. I'm sorry.
 |
| are you smiling? |
No comments:
Post a Comment