Four simple steps.

I'm blogging from my iPod because I'm too hungover to get off my bed to get the computer. Why is a hang-ogre punching me so insistenty in the face, you ask? Well, because I didn't follow Mr. Jill's fantastic four step hangover prevention and recovery program! Obviously the first step in preventing a hangover is to not drink anything ever. No fun good health clear head no friends. I call that step 0, but most of us skip that step in favour of delicious things like mojitos and sometimes undelicious things like snake wine. The rest of the steps kick in just when you get home from your consumption establishment of choice.

 1. Step one is the prevention aspect of Mr. Jill's Fantastic Four Step Hangover Prevention and Recovery Program. it's pretty simple: before you go to sleep, drink seven thousand liters of water. Stand at the sink and drink as much water as you can fit in your body. I'm not kidding, seriously drink so much water.

 2. Step two is part of your recovery, perhaps even the best part. It takes place in the morning, after you've hopefully got at least a few hours of sleep. Eat some eggs! I like bacon and eggs, sunny-side up very runny yolk please. Hot protein on a plate! Dream of dreams.

 3. Step three is to take a shower. Look at you, you're so gross from the bar! Your hair smells like cigarette smoke, your feet have weird black stuff on them (did you take your shoes off at the bar? Weirdo.) and that klutzy girl's drink is feeling kind of sticky on your leg. Clean up! Use some soap, maybe wash your hair. Get into it! Showers are amazing.

4. Step four is a beautiful thing. Put the jammies you didn't quite get to last night on and curl up in your bed for a peachy little nap. There! Don't you feel magical?

 And that's that. Sometimes you party a little too hard and ya gotta eat some bacon. I hope that all of you are sensible enough not to have to follow this advice very often, but vodka happens to the best of us. Hang-ogres: I won't judge yours if you don't judge mine!

Miss you all.

don't be this girl