I was like

I'm 22 and most of my friends are single.  This means I'm constantly watching relationships form around me, get defined and redefined, fall apart, and start over.  One platitude keeps coming back to me as I type it into text after text: you can't have your cake and eat it too.  No matter what, you just don't get it both ways.  It might seem like it for a while, but it never works out in the end.  Here are some examples I've compiled for you, some to do with relationships and some just about life.  And no, mom, these aren't all about me.

-you don't get to break his heart by telling him you're never gonna love him, but still run to his arms for affection when your lonely drunk self needs it.
-you don't get to turn him down when he asks you on a date, but keep texting him and facebooking him non-stop.
-you don't get to eat Denny's cuz you're a drunk silly sally so cute with your hashbrowns and then be upset at your belly that just won't flatten out regardless of your perfect bootcamp attendance record.
-you don't get to break up with a boy and still keep being his parents' fave girl.
-you don't get to feel sorry for yourself because no one is paying any attention to you, but then also glare at everyone because they're not paying any attention to you.
-you don't get to turn boys down when they pursue you but get annoyed when they don't.


Any other suggestions for the list?